The thing is that like “edgy humour” really is a GIANT red flag among young white men……you hear white boys making racist jokes all the time but people tend to brush it off and assume they’ll grow out of it or that they’re just going through a harmless edgy humour phase and like…..some of them might grow out of it but that’s not the POINT! They’re racist NOW! They’re spreading islamophobic ideas NOW and we brush it off because we assume they’ll grow out of it in the future but whether they do or not is irrelevant; they need to grow out of it Right. Now. Or more lives will be lost.
As someone who has worked with teenage boys, most of whom actually liked and/or respected me, the best tool I had for shutting down edgelord bullshit was a flat stare and “you’re better than that”. Simultaneously conveying “I am disappointed”, “I have expectations of you”, “you have otherwise met them”, “that sort of behavior is unacceptable”, and “you are better than the people who engage in that sort of behavior, but only so long as you don’t join them.” is an incredibly powerful tool with kids who care about what you think. The worst I ever had to escalate to was ‘disappointed headshake and “I thought you were better than that”.’ I’ve never had to repeat the sentiments or escalate after deploying that one. Actually made one of them cry once with just that. He felt that bad about letting me down, and we had a solid talk after. With guys my age, “I guess you’re not the kind of man I thought you were.” has proven effective.
We absolutely need to have zero tolerance policies for misogyny and homophobia in teenage boys too. Last summer I worked with preteens and young teenagers, and almost all of the boys had misogynistic and homophobic garbage coming out of their mouths daily. My co-workers seemed to laugh it off and didn’t think it was a big deal, that it didn’t mean they had any ill will towards women or the LGBT+ community, it was just testosterone and showing off to their friends, ect. ect. aka “boys will be boys” rhetoric
Is it really so harmless when countless young teenage girls get physically and sexually assaulted by boys their own age? Is it really so harmless when LGBT+ kids of that age are bullied until their mental health deteriorates? Adults really need to speak up more when they hear misogyny and homophobia coming out of the mouths of preteen and teenage boys, it’s not harmless, and it could save the lives or at least mental health and well being of teenage girls and LGBT+ kids.